William will be coming home for the weekend from the state capitol, we'll be home together.
We've missed him and his quiet presence.
We've got snow again. The still, prairie snow, and it looks like February should in Dakota.
And you know those cinnamon ornaments that were on my list back in December?
Well, they didn't get made. So Mama said I should make hearts.
And I've thought about what I ought to say about love.
It's kind of a thing with me, I guess. Love and mercy.
But I've been a hypocrite.
I forgive others much more easy than I forgive the certain people I love.
I think maybe I don't have the right to talk about love.
You use glue and applesauce and cinnamon. And the boys kept asking if they could eat them. Reminds of the first time Mama made them. It was Christmas and I was small and I wondered if I could eat them. Mama kinda laughed and told me they were for ornaments. I still remember their scent. It's a Christmas scent.
I thought to use cookie cutters. But Hannah said it would be cute to cut them out by hand. It would look more like home and more like you. And I agreed, thinking of the utility knife in my drawer. I had intended to cut out birds for Christmas. It's like cutting out bits of your love to do it yourself. You and all your self that's unique and precious, how your hand holds the knife and turns it this way and that, shapes and caresses the way you do. Cause it's your love.
Some I leave plain. Because I'm thinking I love the plain look. The glitter is a world all itself, but I want to love in the plain and simple ways, with no show, and straight forward, unafraid to be a plain self. Plains are wide open and big, you feel so small there. But so safe. And you can see so far. When it's plain, you don't have to fit into a mold to be loved. You don't need glitter to be loved, and love wide.
When I think about love, it's always 1 Corinthians 13. How you can know everything, move mountains, and speak like the angels, and give away everything you possess to those who need it more, but still be nothing without love. Agape love. The unconditional kind. The one that never fails, and prophecies and tongues and knowledge will all pass away. But this love, it's greater than faith and hope! The most powerful things in this life are faith and hope, and love surpasses them.
Because love is what saved us all. Love spread his hands on our wounds, on our thoughts of suicide, on our anger, on our God-hatred, on our cursing, over all of us and everything we regret. And Love wasn't prideful, Love didn't rejoice in our evil, and Love was not angry. Love didn't keep record meticulous of these gut-punching sins of ours. Love was patient with us, Love was kind to us, Love rejoiced in the truth of our being, in the truth of his being Love. Love protected us, Love trusted us, Love hoped in us, Love persevered for us. And Love saved us.
From the false, pretentious selves we are, Love saved us. He saved us from the prideful arrogance of knowledge, and the boastful strength, the look-at-me-I'm-so-good giving away to the poor self. And from being a hypocrite.
I string these hearts along the window, these hearts I'd like to give away with love. And I can talk big and write on the blog, and seem all righteous, and still be a hypocrite. I still need Love myself to give love.
I don't do it alone. I was saved first. By Love. And if I can give love, it's because of Love himself. Cause if this Love never wrote down a single scrap of my sin, and was kind to me, and was patient with me, and loved me, and hoped in me . . . why shouldn't I love, and be kind and patient, and hope in others like me? Because the truth of it is, the murderers, the liars, cheaters, adulterers, drunkards, and thieves, the selfish, the gays, the prideful, the arrogant, the disobedient, the unkind,the haters, the unloving--we're all the same difference.
No sinner is so horrible they do not need the mercy and love Love gave to you in the first place. They're never too far gone for mercy.
The sun's out today, and it's bright on the snow. The wind blows just a little bit.
There's always hope, and faith, and always love.
There's always enough hurt and anger and hatred in this place,
but love is the greatest thing in this world!
If you want to be great, love.