Nov 1, 2012

Page from the journal . . .

November 1st, 2012
Dear Olive,
Today I will finish a slideshow. A slideshow of my dead grandmother's life, died this day. The day I begin to write a novel. This day ten thousand people put brand new words on a clean white page. This day---something old ends and a gazillion things new begin.
It's like what the old hound said to Fievel, that "one man's sunset is another man's dawn."
But I don't feel like making something new, I don't feel like celebrating something missing that used to be here ten minutes ago.
But new things come, old things go and why does it have to be this way? When you know you have something good you just want to keep it right here. 
Because all things can't have a beginning without an ending.
And when I finish the slideshow it'll begin with her all brand new and end all old and golden in sunlight.
It's a gift to begin. It's no shame to end.
But what's in between, that's what matters. What happens in between is what makes the end unashamed and full of trumpets and Jesus' face.
Christ happened. Made it all worthwhile.

It's not forever I'll think this ending is hard. I'll end someday, too, and with an end it will become a new beginning, and maybe that's what endings are for?
To make the next beginning far more grand than the one before?
I'll celebrate today. Maybe with tears and a heart asking to say just one last "I love you", but I'll celebrate. Because one good soul is hearing something no one on earth has ever heard before.
Cause enough to make me wipe away my tears altogether. Cause enough to smile right through them.


Liz Brown said...

Thinking of you, and praying too.

Emily said...

Aw, I'm so sorry, Kay. I will keep you in my prayers. May His love surround you.

This was such a beautiful post honoring your Grandmother...puts perspective on how fleeting life really is.

You're in my thoughts.

Krystina said...

I am praying for you, Kayla, and your family.